The first day of school is a significant milestone in any child’s life. But for many parents, this day can be full of mixed emotions—joy, anxiety, excitement, and even some sadness. It’s natural to want the day to go smoothly, but how can you emotionally prepare your child to ensure they feel confident and ready for this new adventure? Here are some essential strategies that will help both you and your child face the first day with less stress and more excitement.
Emotionally preparing your child for school doesn’t need to be complicated. Creating a goodbye routine, reading books about school, using consistent language, managing expectations, and communicating with teachers are all strategies that can make the transition smoother. By taking these steps, you can ease their fears and help them build positive associations with their new school experience.
Create a Goodbye Routine
One of the most effective ways to ease your child’s anxiety on the first day of school is to establish a goodbye routine. This routine should be simple, predictable, and something your child can look forward to. It could involve a special phrase you say when you part ways, a quick hug, or a high-five. The goal is to give your child a sense of comfort and security in knowing that no matter what, you’ll always have a consistent and loving way of saying goodbye.
When you create this routine, it provides your child with a visual and emotional cue that helps them understand that your departure isn’t something to worry about. It can also create a sense of excitement about returning home at the end of the day.
Read Books
One of the best ways to prepare your child emotionally is by reading books that center around the first day of school. These books help children understand that their feelings are normal and that school is a fun, exciting, and safe place to be. They also give children an opportunity to hear and see the experiences of others who have gone through the same situation.
There are many wonderful children’s books out there that deal with school anxiety, like The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn or First Day Jitters by Julie Danneberg. Make reading these books a regular part of your routine as the first day approaches, and encourage your child to talk about the characters’ experiences.
The right book can provide comfort and reassurance, making the idea of school seem less intimidating and more exciting. Your child may even look forward to discussing the book with their new friends and teacher.
Consistent Language
The language you use when discussing school with your child is powerful. Make sure you use consistent, positive, and encouraging language when talking about school. Reassure your child that it’s normal to feel nervous but remind them how brave they are for starting something new.
It’s important to avoid making statements that could unintentionally increase anxiety. For example, phrases like “Don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it” can create more uncertainty. Instead, you can say, “I can’t wait to hear about all the fun things you’re going to do today.”
By using reassuring and uplifting language, you can help your child feel more confident about their new school experience.
Manage Expectations
While it’s essential to focus on the positive aspects of school, it’s also important to manage your child’s expectations. The first day can be overwhelming, and there may be moments when your child feels a little unsure or frustrated. Let them know that this is perfectly normal and that things will get easier over time.
It’s important to talk to your child about what to expect on their first day. Will there be new friends to make? Will they get to play? Will there be a teacher to help them? Preparing them for these experiences can ease their nerves and provide a sense of control over what’s about to happen.
Also, remind your child that they don’t have to be perfect—school is a place for learning, growing, and making mistakes, and that’s all part of the process.
Communicate with Teachers
One of the best ways to support your child emotionally during the transition to school is to build a connection with their teachers. Having an open line of communication allows you to stay informed about your child’s progress and any challenges they might face.
Before school starts, introduce yourself to your child’s teacher. Let them know if your child has any anxieties or particular needs. Ask about the school’s daily routine so you can share that information with your child to help them feel prepared.
It’s also important to check in with the teacher regularly during the first few weeks. This will help you stay updated on your child’s emotional well-being and allow you to address any concerns early on. A positive relationship with the teacher can make both you and your child feel more confident about the school experience.
Begin developing your daily school schedule before the first day of school. Don't wait until the first day of school to create a school schedule. The best thing you can do is to start setting up a daily schedule before the first day of school so that your child goes to bed and wakes up at regular times and eats on time. If your child doesn't have a daily schedule in place before school starts, getting up at 6 a.m. on the first day of school - and thereafter - is a big leap that will change everything.
Create a plan of expectations based on the previous school year. Review your child's successes and challenges (in the classroom, sports, and activities) from the previous school year and use that to set expectations for the new school year. For example, if homework was a challenge last school year, address it over the summer and create a plan for homework accountability from day one. Everyone has a blank sheet of paper at the beginning of a new school year. However, if you take too long before defining those expectations, that blank sheet of paper can quickly become dirty. Develop these details so that you don't fall behind once school starts.
Make sure your child has the supplies they need for school. This may not seem like a huge factor, but having all the supplies ready on the first day of school can be a huge boost to your child's self-confidence. Having a new backpack and supplies will give them a sense of “I'm worth it”. Conversely, children who don't have the necessary supplies may feel ashamed or different. Feelings of isolation on the first day can set a negative tone for the entire school year.
Familiarize your child with the school. Don't let your child see the school for the first time on the first day of school. Taking your child on a tour of the school building and facilities before the first day of school can ease some of the anxiety, especially for children who are attending kindergarten or preschool for the first time. If the school has an open house or orientation, take advantage of it. If there is no open house, take the initiative to explore the campus on your own. At least walk around the outside of the building and look at the playground to show your child that school is fun, not sitting in a classroom. Anything you can do to create a sense of familiarity, do it.
Remind your child of what they learned last year. While the “old guard” of the school is familiar with the school, they may feel anxious because they think they haven't remembered what they learned last year. Use a few math problems, a few spelling words, or a few science lessons to briefly review last year's lessons. Review it and show them what they remembered. Your child may also want to know if they will stay in touch with last year's classmates. Talk about the friends they miss over the summer and the reasons they miss them. Try to find the positives and get them excited about starting school.
For parents, establish a dialog with the teacher from the first day. Contact your child's teacher to find out how you can keep tabs on your child's progress. Establish lines of communication as early as possible so you know what is going on from the first week. This will allow you to find out if your child is struggling before they get stuck. Quick indicators of academic difficulties can often reveal other interpersonal difficulties your child is experiencing. For many children, if they feel socially isolated or their anxiety levels are peaking, this will affect their grades.
Continue to stay in touch with your child after the first day. After the first day, continue to ask how they are doing at school and keep in touch with your child. You need to be excited about your child's school life. Are you hanging out with a particular friend? Are there any activities that you enjoy? What is a favorite time of day? What can we look forward to tomorrow? If your child is very closed off after school, give them time to not think about school. Try again later, like at dinner, to talk about their life at school. Be intentional about creating time for conversation.Emotionally Preparing for the First Day of School
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Conclusion
The first day of school can be an emotional rollercoaster for both parents and children. By preparing your child emotionally with a goodbye routine, positive language, reading books, managing expectations, and communicating with teachers, you’ll help them face the experience with confidence and excitement. Remember, this is just the beginning of an exciting new chapter in their lives, and with your support, they’ll thrive!